Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
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just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
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The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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