C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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