Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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