So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
