if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize