Sorry, I don't speak sober.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
