i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just had sex bonerless
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
