I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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