at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
