im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
