just come out here and I will go home with you...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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