Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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