Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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