The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
