First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
