last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
