There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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