Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
operation harelip BJ is a go
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
