i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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