I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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