He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i out mim tonsoeep
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