alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
