he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
