i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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