I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
