I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
