i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
