i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
