how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You made out with two different species that night
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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