I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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