I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
