dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
