Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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