I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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