question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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