how can u be prego again
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
