I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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