mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
