It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
