how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She bit a glass in half.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
