My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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