Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
