Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
