If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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