How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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