her vagina looked like bernie madoff
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
