I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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