I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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