We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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