I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
