But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
