i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
