it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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