I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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