i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
