Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
