Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
