You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
