I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
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know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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