So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
