so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
