So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
