I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
