if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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