i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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