Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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