You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize