i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
