it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
