I accidentally burped into my bong.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
