Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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