You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
