I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
