he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
