im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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