I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
