It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
