dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize