It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize